July 31, 2010
bragging
I would never want to brag, although she is bragable material. But my gosh, her eyes. They alone make me want to write stories about her and the way I'd picture her life to be. I have sunshine in my veins even though it is night.
July 30, 2010
July 29, 2010
one the road
"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the sky."
maybe is all I've got
The fact is if I was only just to say hello, then maybe I would. But the here and now forbids me so, so I'll wait a little while and then maybe.
July 28, 2010
virgins suicide
"So much has been said about the girls over the years. But we have never found an answer. It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls... but only that we had loved them... and that they hadn't heard us calling... still do not hear us calling them from out of those rooms... where they went to be alone for all time... and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together."tribute
What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know goes away in the end,and you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down, I will make you hurt.
-Johnny Cash: Hurt-
July 27, 2010
solitude of yesterday
when everything is cold and broken
I stand alone and try to breath
the days before and what was woken
thinking of when the birds will leave
I'm seeing things I've seen before
in solitude of yesterday
stranger things lay beneath the floor
rising above to come my way
turn around and I'll lay back down
try and forget that place in time
stuck too deep till she comes round
shovelling to the choice of mine.
July 26, 2010
downward spiral
I've felt as if I needed to write. Something about this day in general seems dry and a little suspicious, who knows why. Surely not myself. At what point would one person decide how long they should spend on their own? Isolation is something I am very familiar with and to be honest, that is generally all I think about. I'd like to think that I usually like the company of other humans, but as one of the great rock and roll enthusiasts sang, "people just ain't no good" which I believe so be moderately true. Any way, I got sidetracked, isolation. Yeah well, my personality completely changes. Introversion is something I'm acquainted with, well lately at least. Not sure where this is going, so maybe I should just finish this tedious post that basically represents the downward spiral that is my current life.
July 24, 2010
July 23, 2010
July 22, 2010
onto the shore
sleepy tears drop once more
into the sea and onto the shore
the taste of ink is dry and weak
changes in me from what I seek
weepy tears fall out blue
into the sky and onto the new
the taste of blood is right and brave
changes in me to what I crave
creepy tears sink too quick
into the ground and onto the sick
the taste of pain is rough and mean
changes in me from where I've been
July 19, 2010
July 15, 2010
happy as larry
If I could sum up the way I'm feeling right now in one photograph, I would be amazed. I am in lust with life. Myself, like many others go through a certain up and down cycle, changing all the time probably at the best and worst times one could imagine. But for the brief moment of happiness, I'm hoping it will choose to stay for a little while before it decides to go on a little holiday again. It's not just by pure luck that this happiness is here, it's been influenced by the way I've been spending my freedom days, the people and the fact I made a fort...
I really am very happy with my day today. Thank you A. Kane if you can here me thinking this in my head. But you probably can't but that's okay. I can be as honest as I wish and never hold anything back when I speak to her. I find it amusing that she doesn't mind my rambling about my fantasies and the silly little ideas I have, I adore her. No one ever realises how good it is to find common ground with things in life, in one way or another there is always a certain similarity.
I could sing. I am that happy.
July 14, 2010
July 13, 2010
virtual world
this virtual world is creating problems for me, because now I'm starting to believe that I can feel the other persons presence...
July 12, 2010
isolation
I've been isolated all day. When this happens I reced to a child like nature. I sat in a corner between a black and white cupboard and a wall, all morning, until two o' clock when I decided that I should get dressed. I always have too much time and I haven't got the brains to use it. So basically, I made a fort.... I like it. My room has always been, I guess a sanctuary for me. When I need to be alone, it's always going to be there. I'm very proud of my fort making skills. I tied a huge white sheet to the ends of my bed and stoped it from coming undone with rubber bands, my hair ties kept breaking, I had to improvise. Inside my fort there wasn't enough room for blankets, but that is okay. I was warm anyway, I had my pillows.
I drew and wrote and had conversations with myself pretending I was my best friend and me. I was asking her advice and replying in the way I know she would. I was amused and surprisingly it helped. I miss her, so if you're hearing my thougths Shmeve, come home. I've been dancing too. In my room, I'm trying to be better, just like J. Mu. But that'll have to take some serious work, if I want it enough, I'll do it.
I fell into a wall and scratched my back too.
July 11, 2010
girls of blue
two years time from me to you
dripping sands and girls of blue
next time this I'll be all new
two years time from me to you
humility
Sometimes I compare one moment to another to see whether they are anything alike, worse than the other or just for plain comparison. I think at this moment in my life so far I have reached a peak in self humiliation. I continue to exceed myself in this category and are always confronted with surprise. There should be an alarm that goes of in my head just before I say or do something humiliating- "WARNING the next choice that you make will make you look like a fool." Hopefully something like that.
The intensity of the humility also depends on the person receiving it. Lucky for me, a situation was dampened because the receiving person reacted in my eyes the best way possible. But then again...
choking
"I don't want your sympathy don't quote me another phrase
I understand all your philosophies but it hurts me just the same"
Angus and Julia Stone- Choking
July 10, 2010
July 9, 2010
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